i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
