I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
