I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
