I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
