dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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