Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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