I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
