please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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