You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
