I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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