obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
