Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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