There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
