how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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