grandma shit on top of the toilet
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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