He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
did you just send me my own nude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
