Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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