is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
