i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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