I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
