and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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