If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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