wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
