Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
