if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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