Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
