bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
