So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
