Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
