It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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