I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
