so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
