I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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