You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
