I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
