If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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