and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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