Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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