I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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