After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
