they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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