Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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