My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
