and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
