I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
God, I missed his penis.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
