who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dick very happy bro
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
