pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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