I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
