I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
