If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
