My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he laminated a picture of his dick.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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