paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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